Would you… be ‘given away’ at your wedding?

Would You?  sees our two bloggers debate either side of a wedding related issue. You can then vote for your opinion.

This week we’re looking at the tradition of the bride’s family ‘giving’ the bride away.

Feel free to write in the comments who you agree with and any other thorny wedding issues you’d like us to tackle next!

Yes:

Photo by Volvoreta Weddings

As anyone who has read our debate on inviting children to your wedding will know, I come from a very small family that totaled ten at its peak. This has made us particularly close. While I completely agree that the tradition of ‘giving away the bride’ is rooted in ancient patriarchal nonsense, I think for me being walked down the aisle marks my own transition, whether I consider that to be the last time I appear with my maiden name or just the change from being a part of my little family unit to starting a new one with my husband, reclaiming that tradition for myself is important.

Travelling to and entering the church with my dad is also a really special opportunity to spend some quality time with him. My mum will have helped me with all the girly bits of the morning and don’t get me wrong, my dad knows about fashion, but this time with him is where I think our relationship is rooted. In the car, listening to Keane’s Hopes and Fears (the only album that accompanied on our trips to both Scotland and the Isle of Wight when I was 12) and joking about how it’s not too late to turn the car around.

Finally, on a practical note, I can’t think of a better person to support me down a flag stone ailse in 4 inch heels…

No:

Photo by Artäge

I very recently attended a wedding where the bride was ‘given away’, something I have never previously had a problem with as I would imagine that the walk down the aisle can be pretty scary and a little company from a family member is probably a very nice thing – not to mention that with the height difference between me and my boyfriend I expect to be wearing completely ridiculous shoes and might even need help getting to the altar!

That being said, this wedding was different. Within the wording of the ceremony itself the congregation was asked “Who gives this woman to be married to this man and who are you to them?” to which the bride’s father replied “I do, her father”.

Watching this made me rethink what my feelings were on this whole tradition. Of course it stems from our patriarchal past where the women were the property of the men of the family, the ‘giving away’ of the bride was the symbolic passing of ownership from her family to her new husband’s family. Within the context of this wedding the phrase just sounded jarring, and even mildly uncomfortable! Rev Yvonne Hallin, a priest from the Church of Sweden in a parish near Stockholm, has taken the next step and actually banned fathers of the Bride from ‘giving their daughters away’ saying that “These are two equal people”.

I haven’t fully got my head round exactly what I will do at my wedding (thankfully not being engaged yet this isn’t really a problem!) as so many wedding aspects include a mother but this and the wedding speech are the main Dad roles, but I would love to see more brides thinking about doing what the bride pictured by Artäge did and entering alone. Or perhaps we can just settle on a collective re-branding of the term! Instead of being ‘given away’ couldn’t brides be ‘escorted’, or simply just ‘walked’ down the aisle?!